i love to DANCE

so many things in my home has changed so much in over a couple years. my grandma passed away in 2009… my kuya moved to LA 2011. my grandpa has a girlfriend 2012. and now… today… Ira’s moving out… i’m no longer a high school student, and i’m doing whatever i can to face the world. sigh… but Ira… i can’t believe it. Ira was one of the coolest step dads i had ever had. for one thing, he wasn’t filipino, but he was jewish :) i remember the first time when he came over to my house just to teach me and my kuya some piano lessons. we saw him at the academy of music. man… i remember those times so much. i remember him saying that he loved my mom and he said that to my lola and lolo. when months came by, i got a kind of roxas haircut, and my mom told me that ira was going to stay with us. i dont remmeber what year that was, but i remember i was about to be in middle school which is like 2005 or 2006 ish. from then on, i remember going to SF often cause Ira plays piano at Saint Paul Shipwreck in SF. Ira had a huge variety of music. thats what i call good taste in music. people who say they don’t like country… shoot. country is actually pretty relaxing. i can picture a lot of things when i listen to it. i heard tribal music, opera, country, r&b, soul, jazz, swing, hip hop, underground hip hop, house, everything besides techno, dubstep, and electro. ira wasn’t really high tech. very old fashioned. he was a vegetarian. had awesome dreadlocks. some missing teeth. somewhat disfigured feet. but he was so amazing! he didn’t use computers, laptops, touch screen cell phones, none of that high tech stuff. he didn’t even drink water from the fridge, he drank it from the kitchen sink! i remember going to his friend Bob’s house and boy, Ira is a true musician. He can play piano so well! i never heard anyone of freestyle on a piano like ira before. out of all the people i’ve seen and heard play piano, Ira is just too good. i don’t think anyone can amaze me more than he can. i remember seeing his family from New York City and we ate at an asian restaurant in SF and i met my ex sister in law, Sophie, and my ex niece, Ever. i miss them a lot. i remember camping with Ira, Jose, Justine, and my family. i remember biking with him, swimming with him at the cunningham pool and at another public pool with justin and jheilbert. i remember kuya going in the sauna with ira. i remember talking with ira about so many different things when he drove his new truck. that new tundra, man there’s so many memories in there. i remember when tanya would come over to my house, ira would take her home with me, and me and tanya would play our little games on the way to her house. i remember learning how to skip rocks from one of his friends that came from NYC. i remember seeing so many things with Ira. i remember he would come to support me and my kuya when we had marching or concert band events going on. we prayed together. i’ll never EVER forget the Jewish prayer he prayed with us before meals, when we prayed rosaries, the novena. just everything. i remember how he would always do silly things with our parrot Harry. SO MUCH MEMORIES. he would give him anything to eat. i really think that harry loves Ira the most. since Ira’s leaving today… idk whats gonna happen with Harry. i guess, its my turn to take care of Harry. but the thing i didn’t want to remember was when he started changing. when my grandma passed away. things started falling apart. everything was normal in my sophomore year in high school. its just, my mom and ira argued more than usual. my little brother justin started getting an attitude, and it seemed like there was an endless feud between ira and justin. they always shouted at each other. idk what was going on in my family. i was just getting scared. i remember we were going to LA one time, my lolo and ira would argue about something silly like tire pressure and the interior of the car. they would start yelling back at each other, and my lolo even started getting physical. that scared me so much… i didn’t know what to think or what to do, or what to say… i just sat there in shock. no one was hurt, but things really felt like everything was falling apart. junior year was almost the same as my sophomore year, its just that i could drive tanya home on my own now, and that DM came that year. senior year came, but that’s when things really started looking really different. kuya moved…. and things changed a lot more. i remember in late 2011, or early this year, my mom told me that they’re not together anymore, and ira’s living at my house as a boarder. i couldn’t really believe what i heard. i didn’t want to take it in. idk what happened in between those lines and why ira’s leaving. i really think there’s a couple possible things. i think it was because of the relationship he had with justin, they were just always so angry with each other all the time. tough love. but eventually, ira started being very nice to him. it could’ve been the relationship with my mom, they fought a lot too. ira would cuss at my mom, call her a motherfucking bitch. and i was scared of that so much. i juts remember hearing stuff like that. it could’ve been my lolo, and the feuds they had. one last incident between these two was when my house started having wild stray cats stay in my back yard. ira kept them and fed them. but my lolo wanted to kick them out cause their poo smelled really bad. ira can be strong-headed sometimes with some of the things he wants. my lolo hit him again too. i was just scared… its weird cause, i remember the only feud i had with ira was when we were building a new storage, and ira didn’t want me walking all up in his work area…  ira started changing, thats for sure. and i remember starting this year, ira and my mom wouldn’t sleep together anymore… i really don’t know what happened… i also think it’s because ira stopped spending time with myself and my kuya. i don’t know what happened to that honestly. me and my kuya were always so busy with dance. ira still played music in the house though, but it was louder than usual. and one thing i really don’t want to remember, he started to smoke… i couldn’t believe it. i didn’t know what was happening to my family anymore. but from the retreat #invitation2012 i had a refresher of what i want to do with my part in this family and as a person. Maybe God has something for me in store in the future. but i just hope wherever ira goes, he won’t forget what we shared. I’m really going to miss Ira after all that we’ve experienced together. i didn’t name everything, but its just hard taking everything in. so much is happening in this house… pray for me whoever read this blog up to this point… i’ll be praying for you too. especially for all the families who have been struggling similar with my struggles. i pray for your paths to be straight, and hope that things will be ok. this is all with love, i miss you Ira, and I know i won’t be able to have someone like you in this family ever again…